Tezkarni – Remember Me
by Mini Goat
Summary: Jack is badly injured by an ambush after agreeing to meet with the people of Amoridia but that's the least of their worries as he wakes unable to remember who he is.
1. Seasons In The Sun

**_AN:_**_ 'Dance With the Devil' was written by Kirk Douglas and is basically really gross smut with very little plot. I do not recommend reading it except for a possible laugh at how truly bad it is._

**Tezkarni – Remember Me**

**Chapter 1 – Seasons In The Sun**

Sam bit her lip. This was all her fault. She'd been distracted and now Colonel, no, General O'Neill was injured. She sat watching him with unshed tears in her eyes.

"Any change?" Daniel said from the foot of the bed.

Sam shook her head silently.

"This isn't your fault Sam. You had no way to know it was an ambush. You got him out alive." Daniel said firmly.

"He was just supposed to sign some diplomacy agreements with the Amoridians." Her voice was soft and hollow. "I should have seen the warning signs. It's my job to see the warning signs." Her voice strained to get the last part out.

Daniel shook his head. "Teal'c didn't see it either. It was a trap Sam. You had no way to know."

"But I should have." Her voice empty.

"Do you want me to sit with him for a while?" He asked her kindly.

She shook her head, eyes closed. Her hand on the bed next to his, just barely touching his fingers, the middle in a heart monitor clamp that softly beeped his continued status among the living in spite of his induced coma so his body could heal.

Daniel nodded his head and left the room.

Teal'c stood outside. "She blames herself." He told Daniel.

"Yah." Daniel admitted.

"I blame myself as well Daniel Jackson." Teal'c said in resignation and looked off into the middle distance, his posture at ease but his body tense.

Daniel sighed. "I figured you would, T." He shook his head. "I'll get you guys some food."

"Nourishment would be appreciated." Teal'c agreed.

Dr. Lam had told them that until the swelling on his brain went down they would keep him under and calm. Meanwhile the rest of his body would have time to heal as well. While none of his other injuries were life threatening, Jack wasn't the best patient on a good day. Being out cold would be easier on the infirmary staff as a whole. It meant SG-1 was underfoot until he woke up and they were certain he was all right but that was considered a normal day. They acted that way no matter which one of them was hurt and even promoted to general, Jack would always be their team leader.

* * *

The next morning Sam woke in a portable cot next to Jack's gurney. At some point, Teal'c must have picked her up from the chair where she'd slumped across his bed and laid her down. One of the nurses was checking his vitals. "How is he?" Sam asked the girl as she sorted out the blanket Teal'c or Daniel had covered her with. The nurse couldn't be even a year past graduation.

"No improvement yet ma'am, but no sign of things getting worse either." She said to Sam, understanding in her eyes. She'd sat her share of vigils.

Sam nodded slowly. No change was moderately good. It meant the swelling on his brain wasn't getting worse which meant he might still be ok. She needed him to be ok.

After the nurse left, she sat back down in the chair and placed her hand next to his again. Daniel found her that way about an hour later. "Sam, why don't you take a break and go eat? I'll sit with him." He told her.

Sam sighed. He was right. She couldn't do Jack any good if she wore herself out waiting and worrying by his bedside. Food it was, and a workout and shower. Not in that particular order. She looked at the general and frowned. Even when he woke up he was going to need physical therapy and rest. Someone was going to have to go home with him and make sure he ate. They could take turns, she supposed.

"All right Daniel." She told him never taking her eyes off her CO. "I'll be back in a couple hours."

"I'll be here Sam." He assured her.

Teal'c was standing outside the isolation room on Sam's way out. "No change so far." She told him.

"O'Neill will survive this Colonel Carter." He told her emphatically.

She nodded thoughtfully. She wanted him to and so did Teal'c and Daniel, but wanting things didn't make them happen. No one knew that better than her. "I'm going to go workout and grab a bite to eat. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"I will remain here with Daniel Jackson."

"I'll bring you some lunch on my way back Teal'c."

Teal'c bowed his head and gave her an encouraging look as he squeezed her arm gently in support. No one understood her unspoken feelings for her commander better than he did.

* * *

Shortly after, Sam was stripped to her tank top and BDU pants and was pummeling the crap out of a punching bag. Walter found her there and watched her angrily assault the bag in her frustration. He approached her when she finally wore herself out a little.

"Ma'am, a word?" He asked her gently.

"Everything all right Walter?" She asked him swiping sweat away from her forehead.

"Everything's fine ma'am, but you are second in command and while I completely understand your current preoccupation, we need to make some arrangements so the base continues running smoothly."

Sam sighed. The work doesn't just go away, she reminded herself. She could call in George but that would be admitting she couldn't handle the pressure of command when that wasn't strictly true. It was handling it while she was worried sick Jack might not pull through this time that was the issue. "I know Walter. Is there any way you could compromise and let me do most of the work while I sit with him in the infirmary?"

"I think I can manage that ma'am." He assured her.

"Thank you Walter. I think I'll go grab a shower and some food. If you need me, I'll be back in the infirmary in about an hour."

Walter nodded in affirmative and left the gym.


	2. So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

During the next two weeks, Sam had secured one of the small folding tables and a stackable chair where she handled the base paperwork in Jack's isolation room. She put SG-1 on stand down and pushed their missions off on SG-3. Any objection she got from higher up, she pointed out that she was currently acting base commander and wasn't going to endanger the base by trying to do both jobs at once.

She'd also taken to carrying on a one-sided conversation with Jack while he lay there. Sometimes she helped the nurses reposition him so he didn't get bed sores.

"So I requisitioned those new vests you wanted. Hammond said there's a good chance we'll get a few of them at least. I'll have to hash out who gets them after you wake up I suppose."

Sam sipped her coffee while she signed a couple more forms. "I gave Chloe a raise for putting up with Felger. He's set her on fire twice now. He asked how you were doing. I told him the same as usual, just quieter."

The nurse came in and changed out one of the bags on Jack's IV. Sam habitually stopped her running dialog when anyone came in. Not because she felt silly but she figured people might start looking at her oddly. More oddly than usual.

After the nurse left Sam continued talking as though nothing had happened. "General Hammond called yesterday. He's a little concerned about your condition but I assured him that you have been shot in the head before and survived not to mention landing on it after jumping out of an aircraft and that I'm sure you will be fine eventually." She looked at him for a long moment and got up to stand next to him. She curled her fingers into his. "You better get better. I don't have any idea what I'll do if you're not." She admitted to him.

Sam swiped away a tear absently. "Dr. Lam says the swelling is down some and hopefully next week she can bring you out of the coma and then we'll see, ok?" Sam squeezed his hand and bit her lip before swiping another tear from her face. She'd give anything for those warm brown eyes to open and just look at her again even if she could never have him.

After the accident Sam had texted Pete that something came up and she'd be out of communication for a few weeks. She knew she wouldn't leave base until they woke him up any more than Daniel or Teal'c would and didn't want the distraction of her boyfriend pestering her about when she'd be able to leave. After that she had turned off her cell phone.

Besides how did she explain the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that her commander had been injured because of her failure to protect him. Oh and by the way, yes I'm dating you, but it's only because there's nothing I can do about my feelings about my CO so I'm hoping if I date you long enough that eventually I'll stop being in love with a man I can't ever have and doesn't want to be with me anyway.

But none of that mattered right now. She needed him to wake up because she needed him in her life even if all he could be was her best friend. Sam sighed and went back to her chair and started working on the paperwork piled on it again. Walter periodically came in and took some of it and replaced it with more. Mission summaries, requisition forms, scheduling conflicts. It was cutting into her R&D but if she was honest, her heart wasn't in figuring out the tech she had right now anyway. It hadn't been since he'd stopped coming by her lab just to visit. That had started after she began dating Pete and Sam realized it was because he still had feelings for her too. Feelings he refused to act on.

"I let dad know you were injured. I'm not sure if he has time to come check on you but I'll let you know if we get word back that he will. I know you enjoy his company for some odd reason." She told him chuckling. It mystified her why her father and her commander got along so well when her dad struggled to get along with most people. Arguably, as did Jack.

Sam tapped a couple commands into her laptop. "So SG-15 came back with some new data to analyze. Looks like it might be a good site for a backup secured base in case Alpha site is compromised again. Didn't seem to have much to speak for it in mining opportunities but it looked like it might have been farmed at one time. There's evidence of some silos and a couple barns. According to Pierce, there were horses too if you can believe that. It's really a pretty good location for a base. Nothing the Goa'uld want or need and perfect for us. I'll have SG-14 go back and take a drone with them to survey a bit further out, make sure there aren't people living further away. I wish we had a spare puddle jumper."

"How's he doing?" Daniel asked her, popping his head in followed by a tray of food he held up hopefully. Sam hadn't had much of an appetite but she needed to eat something.

"Still the same. Hopefully Dr. Lam is right about being able to wake him up next week. There's only so many decisions I can make without his input."

Daniel had caught Sam talking at Jack on his way in but it wasn't the first time and it was probably good for him really. During his visits he'd read out loud. So far they had polished off a Sports Illustrated Jack had just bought before the ill-fated trip and a novel Daniel had found in Jack's desk drawer. "I'm sure he's fine with whatever decisions you make Sam. He wouldn't have made you base commander if he wasn't."

Sam frowned. "I wish I shared your confidence." She admitted.

"Well, why don't you take a break, eat something?"

Sam gave him a grateful look. "Did you bring Teal'c a tray too?"

"I can't carry that much food. I told him to go eat and I'd stay here with you until he gets back."

"Thanks Daniel." Daniel had been taking the night shift so Sam would rest. Not that she slept well. Ironically she'd been assigned Jack's old quarters and everything still smelled vaguely of him, which was why before his injury, she'd rarely slept there. Now she couldn't sleep anywhere else but by his side if it wasn't in her quarters. She knew it was guilt mixed with lingering feelings for him but that didn't change how she felt.

Sam picked at the meal Daniel had brought her. It honestly reminded her of all the times Jack had brought her something to eat when he was a colonel and stayed on base just because she was working late. In retrospect, she knew this thing with Pete was hurting him terribly but he'd told her to move on. Had made it clear their relationship would stay professional even if she almost died. She'd thought for a long time that he was waiting for her to decide to make a first move but when she had, he'd rejected her.

Sam bit her lip and stuffed those feelings deep down in her soul where they didn't hurt so much. Didn't crush her heart to dust when she looked at him.

"He's going to be ok Sam. We have to believe that." Daniel told her, misreading her broken heart as worry about Jack.

Sam shook her head but didn't correct him. What did it matter? Even if he was all right, he didn't want to be with her even though it was breaking his heart to see her with someone else. Her love life was once again a trail of wreckage except now instead of dead bodies it was littered with crushed chances and broken shards of their hearts.


	3. The Wind Beneath My Wings

They sat in the briefing room together while Dr. Lam updated SG-1 on Jack's condition with George Hammond on speaker phone.

"So the swelling is down enough that, as long as he shows more improvement over the next twenty four, I intend to lower his thiopental dosage in stages and let him come out of it slowly. We'll evaluate him as he regains awareness."

"What are the dangers?" George asked her from the speaker.

"Well, aside from lowered immune reactions which is why he's in isolation, there's the remote possibility of heart failure. But that's relatively unlikely in General O'Neill's case, as we'd have noticed it on his blood pressure and heart rate prior to this. It's also important to remember we don't know if there's been permanent or temporary damage to his brain. He needs to be awake to do an MRI so we won't have more details until he's conscious."

Sam nodded.

Daniel looked thoughtful. "So what happens if he's not ok?"

"That depends greatly on the extent of the damage Dr. Jackson. It could be anything from minor physical impairment he can regain to severe temporary or permanent memory loss." Dr. Lam admitted to him.

Teal'c squeezed Sam's hand reassuringly when she blanched at that information.

"What are his chances looking like Dr. Lam?"

"Sir, there really is no way of knowing until he wakes up."

"Dr. Lam, Colonel Carter, keep me apprised of the situation." George told them.

"Yes sir." Dr. Lam agreed.

"We will sir." Sam told him and clicked off the speaker phone. She slumped slightly in her chair and closed her eyes.

"Are you in need of rest Colonel Carter?" Teal'c asked her.

"I'm all right Teal'c." she told him and gave him an appreciative smile. "I think I'll go work out for a little while though."

Teal'c nodded. He was feeling a similar mix of rage and regret and had spent some time beating up the gym equipment himself the last few weeks. "Would you like company?"

Sam nodded slowly. Perhaps beating the crap out of each other was just the thing.

* * *

"Again." She told him. They were using bashaak staffs to knock the stuffing out of each other. Teal'c was winning most of the rounds but Sam wasn't done punishing herself yet.

"You are growing weary Colonel Carter. Perhaps it would be best to cleanse ourselves and check on O'Neill." Teal'c suggested.

"I said again Teal'c." Sam said sharply. "I can make it an order if you need me to."

"Samantha, harming yourself will not undo that which is done."

Sam swiped sweat out of her eyes. "At least I'd look the way I feel." She admitted.

"When O'Neill awakens, he will tell you himself that this was not your fault Colonel Carter."

"Doesn't matter. I know the truth."

"O'Neill will not blame you for what occurred."

"He doesn't have to." Sam told him and put her staff up in a guard position.

Teal'c nodded and they resumed their combat.

Finally Teal'c had Sam pinned to the mat and she was huffing with exertion "Yield." He told her.

Sam glared up at him.

"Samantha, yield." He told her kindly. She lacked much area on her skin without bruises now. Her body now matched her soul.

Sam closed her eyes slowly and nodded.

Teal'c lifted off her and put a hand down to help her up. "Daniel Jackson likely wearies of babysitting."

Sam snorted. She didn't have the heart to tell Daniel the book, _Dance With the Devil_, he'd been reading to Jack had been left there by Samuels when he was reassigned to DC. Sam was fairly certain Jack had said it was genuinely awful and was going to gift it to someone he didn't like. "Probably not as much as the General does of his reading choice." She said with a smirk.

"Does O'Neill not like reading?" Teal'c asked confused. He friend had several bookcases of books in his office on varying subjects and all of them looked read.

"Oh he loves reading. But that book isn't his and it's really awful low quality smut." Sam said with a tight grin.

"Indeed." Teal'c said with an amused quirk to his lips. He raised an arm to invite her to the door first and followed her out of the gym. "I will meet you at the elevator Colonel Carter." He said with a small bow and entered the men's locker room.

Sam headed off to the women's locker room herself.

The one good thing about a hot shower was it hid tears pretty well Sam thought as she headed for the elevator a few minutes later. She and Teal'c walked silently to the infirmary.

"Oh good, you guys are back. I could really use a nap and this book is awful. Why is Jack even reading it?" Daniel rattled at them.

Sam bit her lip. "Go get some rest Daniel. I have paperwork to do anyway."

"Ok Sam." He told her and squeezed her arm which made her wince. Daniel pulled her shirt collar aside and saw the bruising. "Sam." He sighed.

"Save it Daniel." She said, her mouth firming in such a similar manner as Jack's often did that Daniel nearly choked up.

"All right." He said to her softly. He knew better than to argue with her about this. She needed to punish herself for what she viewed as a grievous error.

Sam sat down at the desk and turned her computer back on. "You want me to hide this?" She asked Jack and held up the book. She flipped through it and read a couple paragraphs. "Holy Hannah, that's awful." She said horrified. "You know, if I didn't know for a fact reading that out loud was truly traumatizing Daniel I'd toss it right now." She said chuckling. "So you have that going for you even though you're stuck listening."

Sam got up and went over to the bed to sit in the chair next to him. She gently stroked his cheek. "Dr. Lam is going to bring you out of this so you can yell at me all you want about my screw up sir. I'd almost rather withstand one of your dressing downs than this." Sam sighed and squeezed his hand gently before going back to the desk and went back to work.

"So Teal'c beat the snot out of me with a bashaak. I got a couple licks in but I think he let me because I was too mad at myself to focus." She resorted a few forms before resuming her narrative. "So don't freak out that I'm covered in bruises. I know how you are sir." She told him and gave him a pointed look. She'd give almost anything right now for one of his reprimands.


	4. Wake Me Up When September Ends

The next few days seemed to crawl by. Lam lowered the level of barbiturates in Jack's blood stream in stages and everyone was encouraged that he started to become responsive. If Sam squeezed his hand, his fingers lightly twitched in response on day three. By day five, he had moved his arm on his own which had made Sam's heart flutter in her chest in wild hope, only to become pensive when he showed no further sign of awareness.

At the end of the week he was moving weakly but was still asleep. Once again they were in the briefing room discussing his condition with General Hammond over a speaker phone.

"Sir, there's no specific reason why he's not coming out of it beyond he's simply still recovering from the swelling on his brain. I'm going to recommend we wait another forty eight hours before we raise any alarms. It could just be that his system is over responding to nearly a month of barbiturates."

"If that is your assessment doctor, I'll let you be the judge. Let me know if there's any sign his condition is becoming worse or if he regains consciousness."

"Yes sir." Dr. Lam told him.

Sam shut off the speaker.

"Colonel, there's not much more that we can do other than wait and see. I recommend we continue to monitor the situation. Perhaps you and Dr. Jackson continuing to talk to him will help him come out of this."

"Unless he's asleep because he's tired of listening to us." Daniel quipped.

"That is highly unlikely Dr. Jackson." Carolyn said with an impatient sniff.

Sam however had held back a smirk. It was a joke worthy of Jack and Sam knew why Daniel had made it. They all missed his presence. "All right everyone, if that's all, let's get back to work. I need to grab some things from Walter but I'll be up in a little bit."

"I think I'm going to go sleep Sam. I don't mind staying up all night with him but it's wearing me out a little."

"That's fine Daniel. Teal'c, why don't you get a little rest too? I'll be down there soon anyway and he should be coming around soon with any luck."

"Agreed Colonel Carter. I shall go Kelno'reem until twelve hundred."

"I'll see you in two hours then Teal'c." Sam told him.

He bowed and left the briefing room. While he did not require Kelno'reem any longer, he'd not been able to sleep, feeling as guilt ridden as Samantha did about O'Neill's injuries.

"I'll be in my office if I'm needed." Carolyn told Sam.

"Thank you." Sam told her simply. Jack had chosen well. This wasn't her specialty but she was working hard to make sure Jack received the best possible care.

* * *

There hadn't been an alert and no one had called her but the infirmary was in chaos and she could hear Jack yelling his head off to let him out all the way at the front in spite of the isolation room being towards the back and around a blind corner.

Sam rushed in to find Carolyn giving a nurse instructions. "I was just about to page you. Sorry, he woke up and went berserk. I think he's having an adverse reaction to the barbiturates and the only thing that slowed him down was his broken leg. We had to restrain him and I'm having him sedated now."

Sam nodded. "Let me talk to him first before you knock him back out. He's had this reaction before."

"I know, that's why we switched which barbiturate we used but apparently he's allergic to a range of the medication and not specifically propofol." Dr. Lam huffed a sigh. "He's already hard to treat with his high tolerance for medication."

"Do your best Carolyn. I'll see if I can calm him down enough that your people can get him sedated until the thiopental wears off."

"Thank you. Hopefully this is just temporary, otherwise we have to move him to a secure medical unit."

Sam nodded and headed to the room Jack was demanding he be let the hell out of.

She walked to the end of the bed, his arms and unbroken leg were strapped down as was his neck. He was straining against his bindings and thumping his free leg aggressively. "Let me the hell up. You can't keep me here!" He yelled.

The orderlies had backed away now that he couldn't get free so Sam moved forward. His eyes were darting around, wild and terrified. He was either having a flashback and had no idea he was home and safe or he was having an extremely bad trip. Either way Sam moved to the side of his bed and put a hand over his wrist.

"Let me up!" Jack demanded.

"Sir," she said gently, "You're having an adverse reaction to the medication you were on to keep you sedated. Please relax so they can give you something for the reaction."

Jack stared at her for a long moment, trying to sort out his perceptions from what was really going on. "I know your voice." His tone which had been angry slipped towards confusion.

She moved her hand down and squeezed his fingers. "Yes, you do. Please relax sir. Everything is all right. You're safe." She told him gently.

While she'd captured his attention a nurse had quietly come up on his other side, a needle ready. Sam held eye contact with Jack, willing him to recognize where he was. Recognize her. "Do you recognize me sir?" she asked him, her fingers gently stroking his.

"Soft." He said perplexed as he tried to look down at their entwined fingers. "Know your voice." He slurred. The sedative the nurse had added to his IV starting to take effect.

"Yes sir. You know my voice." She told him.

He let out a slow sigh as he started to go under. "My..." but he was out.

Sam let out a slow heavy sigh as she righted the chair next to the bed and sat down before taking his hand again. "Oh Jack." She said so softly it was no louder than a sigh. "What have I done to you?"

His fingers twitched against hers, whether in response or having slipped back into another dream or hallucination she didn't know. She held his hand anyway. She found it ironic that he couldn't be seen doing that if the situation were reversed but because she had done the same for Daniel and even Teal'c once, no one would think twice about her sitting by his bedside, holding his hand and talking to him.


	5. Yesterday

The next morning Sam sat up groggily, her legs numb from sleeping in the chair next to Jack's bed. His fingers had turned and were entwined with hers. She sat up and looked at him to see if he looked more relaxed than he had yesterday which he did, but that could be the sedatives he was on. Daniel was slumped against the wall. Asleep.

Carolyn came in half an hour later and checked his monitor. "I'm going to slowly lower the sedative and we'll see if bringing him out slowly will alarm him less."

"Not to mention the staff" Sam said, yawning.

Carolyn smirked. "When I have to treat my own staff for injuries sustained restraining a man who shouldn't be in any condition to walk let alone attack two men who outweigh him…"

"Jack's tougher than he looks." Daniel said sleepily as he sat up from the wall he was holding up.

"Apparently." Carolyn said dryly which made Sam chuckle. "Let's see how bringing him out more slowly works."

"It can't go worse, right?" Daniel asked.

Carolyn shrugged. "I try not to make assumptions." And made eye contact with Sam who shared her amusement. While Jack had lost his shit, it amused both of them that he'd taken down a couple guys half his age while severely injured.

* * *

"Where am I?" Jack said, groggily.

Sam looked up from her paperwork and blinked at him. She hadn't been chatting at him for the last couple hours, not wanting to disorient him further as he came out of it. She got up and went to his bedside. They had taken his restraints off while he was out and Sam hoped he didn't remember them tying him down.

"You're in the infirmary sir." She told him as she gently took his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Uh… kind of sore. What happened?"

"You tried to mop the floor with a couple AFs sir." She said with an amused smile.

"Did I win?"

She chuckled. "You almost got away, yes."

"Well that's something." He said with a grin and looked at her perplexed.

"What's wrong?" She asked him.

"I… I know your voice. I know you. Don't I?"

Sam's face slowly fell as she realized what he was saying. "You don't know my name?"

"No. I… I know I'm supposed to." His brows drew together. "I know you. Better than anyone." He said perplexed. "Are we married?"

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head. "No sir. I'm not your wife." She carefully masked the pain in her voice and hoped he didn't notice it.

"I don't understand. I can see… flashes… of your smile. Your eyes." He told her, his face clouded with confusion.

"I'm sure it will come to you sir. You were badly injured. Some confusion is understandable."

Jack plopped his head back on the pillow. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment then got a worried look on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't remember my name." he told her with a sick look on his face. His fingers wrapped almost desperately around her own.

"It's ok sir. Everything is going to be all right."

* * *

"So we're going to keep him under observation for now. The MRI shows the swelling is going down to almost normal fluid levels so currently all we can do is wait and see. If his memory starts to come back over the next few weeks then he should fully recuperate with time. Physically his other injuries will heal fine." Carolyn was telling Hammond over the speaker phone.

"I may be alarming you Dr. Lam, but Jack O'Neill is not known for being a complacent patient under the best circumstances."

"I concur." Teal'c told him.

"Sir, Sam and I came up with a plan on how to handle that actually. Jack is just going to cause trouble if we make him stay on base so we thought while he recovers the three of us, Sam, Teal'c and I could rotate shifts keeping an eye on him."

"How would that work logistically Dr. Jackson?"

"Well, we'd, ah, take turns staying at his house and bring him to the base during the day."

"You can't let him wander around base Daniel." George told Daniel firmly.

"We weren't planning to Sir." Sam told him. "He'd stay with one of us at all times. He's going to need to be here for his physical therapy and sessions with Dr. Heightmeyer anyway. It's not like he can go to a regular analyst considering what he might remember randomly and not know is classified." She said.

"Better Kate. Even without his memories I think Jack is going to remember how much he hates MacKenzie." Daniel said.

Sam smirked. "Can you blame him?"

"Did I miss something?" Carolyn asked.

"O'Neill's first experience with Doctor MacKenzie was… unpleasant." Teal'c informed her.

"He hypnotized Sam to help her remember what really happened to me on Oannes and it was pretty traumatic."

"Had he not been occupied with calming Colonel Carter, who had been hysterical, it is very likely O'Neill would have harmed Dr. MacKenzie for. causing her distress." Teal'c supplied.

Carolyn looked at Sam who shrugged. "Nem wanted to know what happened to his wife so he kidnapped Daniel and convinced us all that he'd been burned alive so we wouldn't go back."

"That's awful." Carolyn said, horrified.

"While they proved effective, O'Neill was extremely distressed by Dr. MacKenzie's methods of memory retrieval."

"So not the best choice to deal with his current memory loss. Gotcha."

"Nooo…" Sam said "That would be a very, very bad idea."

"All right people, if you have this handled, keep me appraised of any improvement and progress he makes." Hammond told them.

"We will sir."

"Colonel Carter, you have my private number still?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. If you need me for any reason, I can be reached on that number at all times."

Sam understood what he was telling her. That was his personal cell number. If she needed to vent her frustrations or even cry out her worry to him, he was there, no questions asked. "Thank you sir." She told him, keeping her tone carefully neutral.


	6. Thinking About You

"So where are we?" Jack asked Sam as they pulled up to her house.

"This is my place. I need a few things before we head to your house Sir." She told him as she opened her front door. She'd driven his truck figuring it was unlikely he could have folded himself into her tiny Volvo easily even without his leg in a cast.

"Nice house." He said politely, looking around to see if he could remember anything about being here. She'd told him her name was Sam, but somehow it felt wrong on his tongue like there was something else he always called her. Something somehow more personal, intimate. "Hey, is that important?" He said, waving at the blinking light on her answering machine.

"Oh, no. I already know who it is. Nothing urgent." She said dismissively. Pete had left her a few messages on her cell too and she'd finally texted him that she was still hip deep in a work related issue and didn't have time to talk to him yet. He had not taken it well and she'd ignored him after the third demanding text that she call him.

Jack looked suspiciously at her but shrugged then went to wander the house and eventually found himself looking at the photos on her mantle while she got a bug-out bag loaded. He knew some of the people. He recognized Daniel and Teal'c though he still struggled to put names to their faces in spite of them assuring him they were his best friends. There was a woman with brown hair that looked familiar in a photo with Sam but he couldn't think of her name either or the girl behind them. Another was of himself with an older man, shorter than him, both of them in dress blues. They were smiling as though they shared a private joke with whoever was taking the photo. "Dad?" he said softly.

"My dad. but yah, you usually call him dad too." She told him coming around his shoulder. "That one is my brother Mark, you met him once when he was visiting dad and me. You barbequed him some hot dogs."

"I did?"

Sam nodded and squeezed his arm. "It will come back to you eventually sir."

Jack huffed out a sigh. "What if it doesn't?"

"You just recognized my dad. It will come back." She said with conviction. "Ready?"

"Sure." He gave her blinking answering machine a curious look then followed her out.

* * *

"Sir, I'm going to have to go to the grocery store. You don't have anything to eat in the house." She told him after cleaning up his science experiments in his fridge.

"Can't we just order take out?" he asked her with a frown.

"I suppose one night of Chinese food won't kill you. I'll cook dinner tomorrow." She grabbed the menu off his fridge and started dialing the number.

"You know what Chinese food I like?" he asked her mystified.

"Of course sir." She told him smiling and started speaking to the employee that answered the phone.

He looked at her as though he was tying to understand something. Jack shook his head and turned to the coffee maker to start a pot.

"They should be here in about half an hour or so." She told him as he finished making the coffee.

"Good. So why do you know what my taste in take out is?"

"Same reason Teal'c and Daniel also know sir. We used to all be on the same team."

"We aren't now though."

"No sir."

Jack sighed. "Why aren't you calling me 'Jack'?"

"Um, habit?"

"Not at home it wasn't." he told her, not knowing how he knew that.

Sam ducked her head in guilt. "No, you're right." She admitted.

"So, why are you acting… formal?" he said with a frustrated swat at the air with his hand.

"I, well I guess it's because you don't remember who either of us are or our working relationship and I don't want to give you the wrong impression?"

Jack had been slowly inching closer to her during the conversation until he was close enough to lean in if he wanted to. "I don't think I have the wrong impression Sam." He told her looking at her lips then back up to her eyes.

Sam swallowed nervously and turned away a little. "I think you might sir." She whispered.

"I think what I'm feeling is very mutual Sam." He said as his hand rose and stroked her cheek.

"It doesn't matter. You made it clear this isn't what you want and when you get your memory back you are going to remember why."

"What if I don't want to remember why." He told her looking into her eyes intently. "What if this feels right and I was stupid before."

She shook her head and moved away a little. "You made me move on sir." She told him sadly.

"You're seeing someone." He deduced.

Sam nodded her head a couple times and she wouldn't look at him.

Jack sighed. "So I'm an idiot."

Her head snapped up and she looked at him. "No. Sir, you were trying to protect me. It could be years until…"

"Until what Sam?"

Sam shook her head and looked away. "It doesn't matter sir. You made it clear you didn't want to be with me." She turned away and looked down at the counter but her hand that had been flat was now curled into a fist.

"I think I made a mistake, Sam." He told her firmly.

The doorbell rang and Sam headed for the front door. "That's probably dinner sir." She said, sounding relieved. This was going to be a long night if he kept wearing down her hard earned defenses this way.

Sam opened the door to reveal Pete standing there looking annoyed. "Pete?" she asked, somewhat flabbergasted.

"I called your work, they put me through to someone named Daniel who said you had come here. What's going on Sam? Whose house is this?"

"Hey Sam, after you get the food, could you help me with this coffee cup? I can get it poured but I can't seem to get it back to the table without sloshing it on everything including myself." Jack told her as he came around the corner with a coffee stain on his sweatshirt and looking embarrassed by his failure. "Oh. You aren't the delivery guy." Jack said not knowing why he knew this wasn't his usual take out delivery guy for Chinese food.

"No sir, this is my boyfriend Pete. I'll help you with the coffee in a moment, why don't you go sit down?"

"Why are you in your sweats at your boss's house on a Saturday night when we had a date?" Pete demanded.

"Because he's got a head injury and can't be left alone until he's medically cleared and I canceled our date three days ago." Sam said, with a frown.

"And that's your job because why?" Pete demanded.

"Because he's my friend Pete, and I told you I was busy with work stuff. It shouldn't matter what that stuff is."

Pete looked Jack up and down, taking in his leg cast and crutch as he hobbled away down the hall. "He looks fine to me."

"Pete, he needs someone here until he can take care of himself. I drew the first straw. Daniel will take over in a couple days." She didn't tell him that she'd taken the initial round because at first he'd become violent with everyone but herself. He'd recognized her voice.

"And I'm just supposed to go along with this?"

"Yes Pete, because this is the job. It's my fault he's injured so I take first watch." She said but her voice wavered a little admitting her guilt.

"You guys have medical staff." Pete told her.

"Who are not equipped to handle a bored man who can't physically do his job but who otherwise doesn't need to be in the infirmary." She hissed at him. "Haven't any of your people been injured badly enough that your squad needed to help them out or do you guys only get injured while you are married to someone?"

"That's not fair Sam." He hissed back.

"He needs me right now Pete. Go home." She ordered him.

"Fine but this isn't the end of this."

"Yes it is Pete, because I'm not negotiating his wellbeing just because it inconveniences you."

"I'll be in town until Monday night, then I have to get back to Denver. If you need me, you know where I'll be."

"I know Pete, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. This wasn't something I could have planned for."

"A heads up would have been helpful Sam." He told her as he walked away to his car.

Sam sighed heavily and slumped as she shut the door only to jump in surprise that Jack had come up behind her.

"_That's_ your boyfriend Carter? I think you can do better." Jack told her firmly and swung around to stump off to the couch.

She looked at him eyes wide. "You remembered." She said, surprised.

"Remembered what?"

"That you call me Carter."

"I do?"

"Yes sir. Almost all the time."

"Huh." He said noncommittally.

"You were exasperated and it just came out." She said excitedly.

Jack glared at her though. "I should be. Why are you dating that guy?" he demanded. "Even if I did push you away, why _that_ guy?"

"He's not usually like that sir." She told him softly.

"No?" He'd turned and stumped back to her "You can do a lot better Sam. You don't need to settle just because things didn't work out for us."

"I'm not settling. My brother set us up. He's nice. Usually." She hedged.

"He drinks Cold Duck from a box." Jack told her in disgust.

"How did you-?"

"I was bored waiting for you to load your bag." Jack admitted. "There's a bottle of perfectly good Chablis in your fridge that hasn't even been opened."

"I know. You gave it to me." She admitted.

The doorbell rang again and this time it was the delivery kid. "Hey Sir. Got your usual. Good to see you again Sam." The skinny kid told her grinning.

"Thanks Yao." She said smiling. "Have a nice night."

"You too ma'am."

"Our usual Carter?" He drawled at her which made Sam blush a little. "So _us_ ordering Chinese in isn't something we rarely do." He had her trapped by the door, unable to get around him and his crutch with the food in her arms. "We have dinner together enough that the delivery kid knows your name and expects to see you."

"Sir, we've been friends a very long time." She tried to hedge.

Jack leaned in. "I may not have my memory back Sam, but I have some very vivid memories of the taste of your skin. How silky you are inside." He told her, his face inches from hers. "I don't think I'd be getting memories back that I didn't already have."

Sam let out a shuddering breath. "Carolyn told me not to lead any of your recollections but we really need to talk about this because…" She swallowed. "Jack, we need to sit, and, I'll tell you." She looked into his eyes, her blue eyes pleading with him.

"All right." He told her backing off. "Don't forget my coffee."


	7. Summer of '69

She'd busied herself organizing their meal for a few moments while he sat down at the kitchen table. She brought him his coffee and made a cup for herself before sitting down and absently picking at her Moo Goo Gai Pan with a pair of proper chopsticks from his silverware drawer.

Jack waited patiently. He knew her, knew she'd tell him the truth about why he knew how it tasted to kiss her, what it felt like to make love to her.

"About three and a half years ago, we were on a mission and things went, well, badly. We were captured and brainwashed by the people who captured us. We didn't remember who we were or that you were my boss, only that we cared about each other, desired each other so we assumed we were lovers and acted on our feelings."

Jack nodded slowly, she was telling him the truth, he could tell.

"When we got back, we regained our memories and realized we shouldn't be acting on our feelings given you were my commanding officer so we agreed not to let it happen again." Sam bit her lip nervously.

Jack gave her a long look. "It did though, didn't it?"

"Yah, but it wasn't because we'd decided to be lovers again. Some allies of ours offered us an opportunity to use some new tech that would make us stronger, faster, smarter. But it pumped chemicals into our systems that made us reckless and unable to control our impulses."

"Tiles." He said thoughtfully.

"Yah. We both left the table to use the bathroom and things got out of control. We, ah, aggressively…"

Jack nodded. "Very aggressively."

She blushed. "It was the chemicals though and we - we decided after those same allies forced us to admit we have - had feelings for each other, we agreed to just leave it in the room and close the door because, well, we aren't supposed to feel that way about each other."

"Because I'm your commanding officer." But something niggled at the back of his mind.

"Yah." She said with a defeated sigh.

"Carter."

"Sir."

"I'm not your commanding officer right now."

"Not technically no, but you are on a medical leave sir, eventually you will get your memories back and resume your position and I'll be your subordinate again."

"You aren't right now though." He said pointedly.

"No. Not right now." But her voice was small with defeat. He was suggesting something that would only leave them both struggling to control their feelings again when he resumed his job.

Jack ate in silence for a while. Trying to figure out what part she was leaving out intentionally or because she genuinely didn't know. "Why don't we watch a movie tonight?" He suggested. "Something light."

"Sure." She agreed, glad he'd dropped the subject for now. Her feelings were confused enough. Jack had made it clear he didn't want to be with her but whatever his reasons had been, they didn't change his feelings for her and while Sam liked Pete well enough, he wasn't exactly classy or cultured. He'd never take her to the opera or would ever want to go with her to one, he'd never buy her fancy wine just because he knew she enjoyed it or watch classic movies with her. He hated _Singing In The Rain_ among other classics. He liked cop movies and reality TV shows and while she could stand the former the latter made her want to shove an ice pick in her eyes. Not that she loved Jack's binge watching of _The Simpsons_ but at least she could stand several episodes and he'd never objected to her curling up on the couch with a book while he watched them. Pete pouted if she didn't dutifully sit and watch TV with him and pouted more if she wanted to watch a documentary. Jack was more than happy to pick one they both wanted to see, particularly science ones.

Once they finished their meal Sam offered to clean up and put their leftovers away while he put in a movie or found one on TCM.

Sam walked into Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds singing with Donald O'Conner in raincoats. She grinned. "I love this movie."

"I knew that." Jack told her a little startled. He patted the couch next to him and casually put his arm around her shoulders once she was settled. He didn't know what kind of guy this Pete was but Jack was going to do everything he could to convince her that Pete couldn't hold a candle to what Jack had to offer. And as soon as he figured out what that was, he'd make his play.

In the meantime, he'd be her good, albeit slightly confused friend who she'd had sex with on a few occasions but apparently only when she wasn't in control of her faculties but not because she didn't want to. He'd feel like a creep for that if she hadn't made it clear that he'd been equally lacking in control of either situation. At the rate his memories were coming back he figured he had about two weeks to a month before he had to admit he remembered everything. In the meantime, he was going to do everything in his power to convince her he still wanted her so when he did remember why he'd rejected her, he could tell her what a stupid reason it had been.

* * *

A couple hours later the movie was over and she was still curled against him, fast asleep. _You're supposed to be taking care of me not the other way around Carter._ He thought as he nuzzled her golden hair gently_. I'm pretty sure this is a thing though. _He decided with a smile_. That's why the take-out kid thinks you're my girlfriend. Because until probably a few months ago, you may as well have been. I must have really screwed up_. He decided. _What the hell was I thinking? Why did I let you go? Why did I make you go?_

Her cell phone rattled on the table and Jack was pretty sure who it was. Probably pestering her to talk to him about how difficult she was making things for him. The phone rattled again and he glared at it. If it wasn't for his stupid broken leg he'd carry her upstairs and reacquaint her with what it felt like to be made love to by someone that had more taste than that boxed swill in her fridge. He loved her. He couldn't remember what he did for a living but he knew he loved her and that he had loved her for years now. The oddest part was he knew she loved him in return, that… they had some kind of fight abut it… or something. He couldn't remember but he'd tried to talk to her and something had gone wrong. Why could he remember that he loved her but not what led to them falling apart. Jack scrubbed at his eyes in frustration.

Sam stretched against him and snuggled in deeper. She was nearly in his lap at this point. Jack stifled a groan at the feel of her soft warm body pressed against his. "Carter," he said softly into her hair.

"Hmm…" came out a low purr as she shifted against him, pressing herself more tightly into his side.

"Wakey wakey Sam." He said chuckling. What would her boyfriend think of this if he walked in on them? Jack hadn't done anything. She was clearly asleep and her subconscious had taken command of her responses. She might be dating someone else but her body hadn't forgotten the feel of him either.

Warm lips nuzzled his neck and Jack restrained himself from taking advantage of her. Situation one was the boyfriend, He needed to go. Then Jack could focus on fixing them.

"Carter. It's time to go to bed." He said gently and stroked her cheek until a pair of soft blue eyes blinked at him in bewilderment. "The movie ended Sam. I should take my meds and go to bed." He told her.

"Oh, oh right." She said blushing and extracted herself from his arms, clearly embarrassed. "I'm sorry sir." She mumbled at him.

Jack decided to let it go for now. It would take a while to convince her that he was serious. Sam was queen of over thinking everything too. Jack smiled to himself. If the stuff he remembered was going to center around his knowledge of Sam Carter he could think of worse things for his currently empty head to be full of.


	8. It Must Have Been Love

Two days later Pete met Sam at her front door. He'd pestered her to spend his last evening in the Springs with him at her place and in spite of being exhausted from her job and caring for Jack and making sure he got to his therapy sessions on base she'd agreed.

"Hey babe." He told her cheerfully. Apparently having decided to pretend the last few weeks hadn't happened.

"Hi Pete." She said with a tired smile.

"I ordered us some pizza." He said happily and missed Sam's inward sigh. Pete ordering pizza meant something covered in every possible topping and most likely from a chain even though there was a great mom and pop right between her and Jack's places that the team had been supporting with frequent pizza and salad runs for nearly a decade. Jack had found it during his divorce and he liked the owners.

"That's great Pete. I could open that bottle of Grand Cru to have with it." She suggested.

"Why would we open that stuffy bottle when we have a perfectly good supply of cheap stuff to get drunk on." He told her with a grin.

Sam tapped her fingers against her thigh. The point of French wine wasn't to get drunk. "Ok Pete." She unlocked the door and let them both in. He cares about you Sam she reminded herself. He may not be the classiest guy but he genuinely cares so the least you can do is spend some time with him.

"Great. I'll pour us a couple glasses of wine. You take a seat and find something on TV." He said and pecked her on the cheek before heading into her kitchen.

Sam glanced at her mantle from under her lashes where Jack and her dad smiled at her from the photo General Hammond had taken shortly after dad had ribbed Jack about deep space radar telemetry again at dinner for a friend of her dad's retirement. She let out a slow sigh and plopped onto the couch. There was a National Geographic show about the Amazon that she'd recorded in her DVR so she turned it on and relaxed to the soothing voice of the announcer. She was nearly asleep when Pete came back in with two glasses of wine and a pizza box from a big chain and a pair of plates.

"Soups on babe." He said cheerfully and turned off her DVR.

"I was watching that." She said sleepily.

"Can't be very exciting if it's making you go to sleep before you've even had any wine Sam." He grinned. "There's this great new show everyone is already talking about." Depressing violin music filled her family room and Sam tried to make herself pay attention to the castaways and their plots. She'd turned on the documentary because it was helping her relax. This was a little better than his usual taste in TV but it was a little too much like her job some weeks and Sam came home specifically to not be at work and especially not to watch things that would give her flashbacks so she tried to zone out without looking too much like that was what she was doing.

About three quarters of the way through the show Pete was petting and stroking her, trying to get her into the mood. Normally she found this charming but right now she just wasn't into it so she barely responded to his exploring hands. "What's wrong babe?"

"I'm just really tired Pete. It's been a long week."

"You should have had your friends watch your boss so you could have been home since you didn't leave base for two weeks."

"None of us left the base Pete." She told him; her voice weary.

"Yah but they don't have boyfriends. You do." He said to her, trying to joke.

"I can't see Teal'c with a boyfriend." She said with a chuckle.

"You never know with people these days." The show ended and Pete made a more active effort in trying to turn her on but Sam didn't feel very enthusiastic about the process.

"Pete, I'm really tired." She told him unenthusiastically. And confused about my feelings she thought but didn't express.

"But I've missed you Sam." He told her as his hands roamed her body and he tried to claim her mouth.

"Pete." She sighed with resignation.

"Come on Sam, it's been weeks. I need some attention." He insisted, fondling her.

"I know but do we really need to tonight?"

"I go home tomorrow morning Sam. Please?"

Sam bit her lip and nodded reluctantly.

* * *

An hour later she lay on her side pretending to sleep and cursing her traitorous body. He doesn't want to be with you she told her body firmly but her body had refused to cooperate and for the first time in years, Sam had faked an orgasm with her lover so he'd finish and leave her to her regrets. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes because her body wanted a man half a town away that had offered himself not realizing he'd just reject her again in a few weeks when he regained the rest of his memories back.

Pete was sound asleep. He hadn't even noticed she'd faked it as he'd had several glasses of wine while she toyed with hers, not caring for the overly sweet flavor. He'd been a somewhat sloppy lover in general tonight. It didn't help that her body was comparing the two men and Pete came up short in many ways from his skill level to his overall physique. Jack kept himself in better shape and would never have fallen for her faked climax, even drunk.

Jack wouldn't have had to contend with a fake orgasm anyway. Just touching each other was often enough to make her wet and hyper aware of him. He tried to hide it but she knew she sometimes had him as hot and bothered as she was. The few sexual encounters they had together, had been punctuated by both of them finding satisfaction. Pete, on the other hand, had to keep a bottle of lube handy because he just dove in when he was ready. Sam had found it hot, thought it was enthusiasm at first, but she was starting to think possibly he just wasn't a very considerate lover. Not that they had access to it any time they had been together, she'd never needed lube with Jack. He always had made sure she was ready for him physically and often had made her orgasm before he even entered her. It wasn't fair to compare the two men she realized. Her other sexual partners had been on par with Pete and she'd have found him satisfying prior to being Jack's lover.

Sam sighed and got out of bed to go take a shower. She leaned against the cold tiles as the warm water ran over her and bit her lip wondering what was wrong with her when she had an unexpected mental image of Jack's mouth plundering hers while his hands slid between her legs to check if she was ready for him. Not even realizing she did it, Sam touched herself the way he had, finding herself slippery with need and almost slid down the wall when an orgasm crashed over her just remembering what it felt like to be with Jack. She washed herself while tears rolled down her cheeks.

When she came back to bed she looked down at Pete for a long time with regret. She cared about him. She really did. He wanted her even if he wasn't exactly skilled in bed he clearly found her sexually desirable. At first she'd been able to get off with him when they made love. The excitement and his enthusiasm had made up for his unpolished technique. It had become harder, taken longer as time went by and Pete didn't seem to think his lovemaking needed improvement and Sam wasn't so sure this was going to work even had Jack not had this inexplicable change of heart about his feelings. A change she knew wouldn't hold once he regained his memories.

Even if Pete didn't work out, she needed to move on from her feelings for Jack and that was all there was to it. She should talk to Lou. He had single friends and knew her taste in guys. She got back in bed and laid down, willing herself to sleep. Ironically, having gained sexual release thinking about the last person she should be fantasizing about Sam fell asleep in mere minutes.


	9. When You Close Your Eyes

The phone on her nightstand jingling woke her up at three hundred. "Carter," she mumbled into the phone. Still half asleep. "What?" Ok, I'll be right there. Is he ok? Yah, all right." She hung up the phone.

"What's going on?" Pete asked her as she got dressed.

"I need to go. I'm sorry." She told him pulling on socks.

"What's going on Sam?" he demanded.

"I don't know, I need to go meet Teal'c at Jack's."

"It's three AM Sam!"

"Pete, he had an episode. I need to go."

"Don't you guys have military police to handle this crap?"

"Yah, and then it goes on his record that he attacked a coworker. He's got a head injury Pete. This stuff happens but it still ends up on your records and the brass doesn't care what the reasons are." She huffed and walked out of the room. "You'll probably have to leave before I get back so call me when your flight lands."

"Right." He said and flopped back down on the bed.

Sam left shaking her head. She didn't have time for this from him right now. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe she could do better.

* * *

"Sir?" She said softy.

She'd walked in on a rattled Daniel who had explained he'd woken up to Jack thrashing around in bed and tried to wake him and gotten the stuffing kicked out of him trying to not hurt the injured man. He was now in the kitchen sporting an impressive black eye.

"Carter." Jack nearly sobbed.

"Jack, what happened?" She said gently and sat down next to him on the bed he was sitting dejectedly.

He turned and grabbed her, dragging her into his arms and held her desperately. "I killed him Carter. I killed my own son." He sobbed out. "My baby."

Sam held him tightly while he cried until he calmed some. "It was your gun Jack, but you didn't kill him. It was an accident."

Jack looked into her eyes with a haunted look.

"You and Sara took Charlie to the hospital. You tried to save him." Her hand came up and gently cradled his cheek. "It wasn't you. I swear to you Jack, it wasn't you."

His eyes searched her face looking for any sign she wasn't telling him the truth and found none. "There was so much blood." He told her, his voice shaking.

Sam nodded and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You tried to save him. To stop the bleeding."

Jack laid his head on her shoulder and buried his hands in her hair. "I never should have left that gun with Sara. She wasn't trained to use it properly."

Sam decided the best course was to say nothing on that. She didn't dislike Sara but she'd always felt if either of them had been at fault it had been his ex.

Teal'c large frame filled his bedroom doorway. "Is everything well Colonel Carter?"

She looked up at him and nodded slowly. "I'll make sure he goes back to sleep." She told him.

"Daniel Jackson has been injured."

"Yah, get him to put some ice on that. I'll be down in a little bit."

Teal'c nodded in understanding and left the room.

"Great, now half the damn base is here." Jack groused.

"Just us chickens sir. Do you think you can get back to sleep?" she asked him looking earnestly into his eyes.

"I'd sleep better if you'd stay here with me."

"All right, I'll sit on the bed until you go to sleep."

"That's not what I had in mind Carter." He growled somewhere between angst and desire.

"I know sir, but it's what you can have." She said gently stroking his hair.

"I want more." He admitted to her.

"We'll talk about it when you have your memory back." She said and got up to help him slide back under the covers but she kept her word and held his hand sitting cross legged on his bed, stroking his hair until he drifted off.

* * *

"Is he out?" Daniel asked, wincing when he took the bag of ice away from his eye.

Sam checked his injury as gently as she could. "Doesn't feel broken. Yah, he's asleep. That had to be the worst thing in the world to wake up to."

"I can think of worse." Daniel pointed out which got him a smile from Sam.

"As troubling as his experience was, O'Neill recalling the death of his son is an excellent sign that his mind is healing."

"It is Teal'c, but this means you and I are going to have to take point for night watch."

"Why is that?" Daniel asked her.

"Flashbacks." Sam told him as she bit her lip.

"Oh." Daniel replied, nonplussed. "Bad?"

"Real bad. Yup." She agreed and looked down thoughtfully at her coffee cup.

"It would be best if we endeavored to rest until we must return to base."

"Take the bed Sam, I'll sleep in the recliner." Daniel told her.

"But you were already here. I can take the recliner."

"And have Jack read me the riot act. No thanks. I've slept on worse. Teal'c, you can have the couch."

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed with a tip of his head.

"Go sleep Sam. I can always doze in my office."

"All right, if you're sure."

"Positive."


	10. As Good as I Once Was

"Pete, I really don't have time for this." She told him, cradling her phone on her shoulder.

Jack gave her an inquiring look and she rolled her eyes which made him grin. He was getting around better and didn't need the crutch but his leg was still in a cast as he'd broken it in three places.

Sam blew at her bangs while she listened to whatever it was Pete was saying to her. They had just gotten to the grocery store when he'd called.

Jack plopped two bags of potatoes into the cart.

"Sir put one of those back. We can't possibly eat that many before they go bad." She admonished Jack.

"But Carter, there's a sale on spuds. You need to replace the rotten one you have." He said grinning which made Sam sputter an amused snort.

"Nothing Pete." She sighed. "Yes because he needed groceries and wanted to come with me to get them himself." Sam rolled her eyes. "How is he supposed to drive with a broken leg?"

"Yah Shannon, I'm going to buy potatoes and hot dogs and we're going to go home and watch documentaries on rainforests. It's absolutely a hot date." Jack said in a sing song voice just close enough to Sam that Pete could probably hear at least half of what he said.

Sam covered her mouth and the phone receiver and tried to shoot him a dirty look but she was working too hard to suppress her peal of laughter to carry it off. She finally recovered enough to notice Pete was losing his shit on the other end of the line. "Well, he's my boss and you are acting childish and annoying the crap out of him. I happen to _like_ my boss. He's a good person."

Jack made a rude gesture with his fingers which had Sam pointedly turning her back on him before she cracked up again.

"Look, can I talk to you later about this? People are starting to stare." That Jack was the one staring was beside the point. She finally hung up the phone and gave him a stern look. "Would you stop." But her voice was filled with mirth.

"Sam, I'm not going to stop being your friend just because he's insecure. Neither are Daniel or Teal'c or any of the other guys. He needs to get over it or get lost."

They had not talked about his feelings for her again by his design. He hoped if he played the solid friend routine she'd relax and talk to him about why he'd rejected her. If she didn't, eventually he'd probably remember. It couldn't just be about the regs. There were plenty of ways around that. He'd been looking them up. Whatever it was, it had to be something fixable or he wouldn't still be in love with her. Somehow he knew that about himself. He wasn't sure if it was just a gut feeling or his self-reflection that, while he'd blamed himself for the death of his son, his ex wife had never expressed any feelings of responsibility, even though she'd been the one to leave the safety off on the pistol. He'd never once blamed her, but she'd never even hinted that she felt even remotely responsible either. And so, while he'd still loved her on some level, it was not enough to salvage their marriage when she'd tried to connect with him. Not once in all those one-sided conversations she'd tried to have with him had she admitted she was as guilty as he was.

So Jack knew, like he knew his hair had once been light brown before it had gone salt and pepper, that whatever had transpired between he and Sam, it was only a misunderstanding he could hopefully fix.

"So what else have we got on this list sir?" She asked him, changing the subject from her screwy love life on purpose and was greatly relieved that he was willing to let it slide.

* * *

"So what are you saying Sam?" George asked her. She'd decided to give him a private update rather than the formal one with his doctor and their team.

"Basically sir, his memory is returning but, well it's hard to explain. He remembers how to do things, who people are, most of the time. But it's like his filter is missing."

"His… filter?"

Sam thought about how to word things to her father's best friend.

"Sam?" George prompted her.

"Well, there are basically two Jack O'Neills, and not in the two ells way he usually makes a crack about."

George chuckled. "Go on."

"The Jack we know at work makes a special effort to not act as smart as he is. I don't know if he's concerned he'll intimidate people too much or if it's just a habit he got into to make enemies underestimate him and it became his work persona but he uses it separately and exclusively at work." She grinned. "Sometimes so well that he had Daniel fooled for a while."

George chuckled. "That sounds about right. He's fairly amusing most of the time, though I'd advise you not to tell him I said that Colonel."

"Tell him what sir?" she quipped. "And as you know, that isn't really who he is. It's not unusual for him to get home and call me to ask me follow up questions about my work that would make it very obvious he's only playing at being dumb on base to get out of doing extra work. You've read his mission reports. He's very thorough."

"Of that I was aware Samantha, which was why I hand picked him for the program. If I thought he was as dumb as he acted he would have been assigned to KP duty."

It was Sam's turn to chuckle. "Anyway sir, it's as if he's unable to maintain his public persona which could get to be a problem because he's still silly, but Daniel and I have had to keep him confined to our labs because while he doesn't really enjoy archeology, he graduated near the top of his class with an engineering degree. He understands my work well enough to be a fairly useful lab partner."

"Well if he needs a side job Colonel, I'll keep that in mind." George said, in amusement. "But that's going to be a problem if it gets out that the screw up we present him as becomes very obviously not a screw up."

"Exactly sir." Sam agreed.

"So what do you think we should do?"

"Honestly sir, I really don't know at this point. It could be that he gets his memories back and everything is fine."

"And if he doesn't?"

Sam sighed. "I think we both know the answer to that sir."

"We do Sam. Keep me posted. Hopefully this is a temporary setback and Jack will be back to his old self again before we know it."

"Yes sir."

"Give Cassie a hug for me the next time you see her."

"I will sir." She told him smiling.


	11. Reflections

"I'm bored Daniel."

"I'm sorry Jack. I'd let you go hang out with Teal'c but you wouldn't be useful in hand-to-hand combat training." Daniel looked pointedly at the cast on Jack's leg.

Jack was juggling wads of paper absently. He'd started with a couple of Daniel's rocks but they had been pointedly taken away. "Carter hid my Game-boy." Jack complained.

"In her lab at least, you are technically there to help her finish projects since she's doing your job and her job."

"I could do my job." Jack said in an injured tone.

"Who's the head of Home-World Security Jack?"

"Ah… Homer... something?"

Daniel shook his head.

"Herbert? Harry!" he finished pointing.

Daniel shook his head and went back to his work.

Jack pouted a little. "I'll get it eventually."

"And when you do we'll all be happy to let you go back to being 'the man'. When you remember your boss's name so when he calls you up, you don't call him Homer."

"Do'h."

Daniel hid an amused smile and got back to work. "If you need to do something," he said absently, "The trainee I fired left that catalog a mess." He waved vaguely behind Jack. "Most of it is in Alteran which you can read. You could put it back in order."

"I can?"

"You speak four, no, five languages fluently that I know of, although you lie about at least two of them." Daniel told him absently.

"Why would I lie about knowing a language?"

"At a guess, I'd say it's because you aren't comfortable with people looking at you the way they do Sam." Daniel told him with a shrug, never looking up from his work.

"Well that doesn't make any sense." Jack said in confused exasperation.

"Jack, a lot of things about you don't make sense. It's probably intentional on your part. The only ones who seem to have you figured out are Sam and Teal'c."

"Well that explains a lot."

"Yes it does." Daniel said making notes in his book. "They both also seem to find it amusing."

"Can I ask you a question Daniel?"

"You just did Jack."

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"Daniel." He said more sharply.

"Fine, ask."

"What... do you know what Sam and I had a disagreement about?"

Daniel looked up, confused. "What disagreement?"

"We didn't have a disagreement?" Now Jack was really mystified.

"Jack, I have no idea what you're talking about. You and Sam almost never fight about anything. To the point that I'd have noticed if you had."

"IQ the size of a house, ends sentences with prepositions." Jack muttered.

Daniel chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Jack demanded.

"In half the languages I speak it's perfectly normal to end a sentence with the word 'had', Jack."

"Not in this language." Jack said mutinously but decided to do the filing anyway. There was only so much one could juggle after all.

* * *

A couple hours later, the catalog sorted out as Jack found he could read Alteran and quite well at that, he gave his friend another considering look. "So what's up with this guy Sam is dating?" he asked super casually as though it hardly mattered.

"He seems all right. I only met him a couple times. After the first time she brought him around on purpose, she said he told her we weren't really his speed." Daniel shrugged and studiously didn't look at Jack.

"Well, we drink beer in bottles and he drinks rat piss from a box."

Daniel snorted. "That's a bit harsh don't you think Jack?"

"I just - I don't get him Daniel. Why him? Sam is brilliant, sweet, beautiful. She can have anyone she wants."

"Well, she can't have you, so there's that." Daniel pointed out with a little huff.

"That's what I don't get Danny." Jack said plopping into a chair. "I think, I mean it's fuzzy but I think we kind of were together before…" He waved his hand confused. "And then something happened and she's dating this... I don't know what he is but he's not good enough for Sam that's for sure and I'm left holding my dick wondering what the hell happened." He gave Daniel a sharp look. "What do you mean on purpose?"

Daniel stalled by looking through some notes.

"Daniel."

"Look, you're supposed to get your memories back on your own but his screw up nearly cost me someone important. The first time we met Pete he interfered with a mission and the Goa'uld we were chasing almost got away because of him." He left out the part where he'd almost got Sam killed as well.

"Why the hell would he do that?"

"Because Sam told him her job was classified so he had a background check run on her and when it came up scrubbed like all of ours would he followed her."

"He what?" Jack's voice took on a low dangerous tone.

Daniel scrubbed a hand through his hair. "That's why no one said anything. We knew how you'd react."

"Damn right I'd react this way. He could have gotten her killed and everyone has been ok with this?" Jack nearly shouted.

"Keep your voice down Jack! The guy is a friend of Sam's brother. He seems harmless. Just… kind of an idiot even for a cop." Daniel admitted.

Jack fumed. "Has anyone told her what a creep he is?"

"Well, you told us not to." Daniel said to him.

"I told you not to?"

"Believe it or not Jack, you seemed ok with him initially." Daniel looked across the table at him. "Has something changed?"

Jack gave Daniel a hard look. "No. Yes. I don't know Danny. Every time she talks to him he's acting insecure or making demands of her and I get that I've been taking up a lot of her time lately but it's not like I'm doing it intentionally. She volunteered."

"Well, part of that probably has to do with her feeling like it's her fault you got injured in the first place."

"Why would she think that?"

Daniel wrote a couple notes trying to ignore the question.

"Daniel."

Daniel huffed a sigh. "Fine, look, we went to Amoridia to make an agreement about some naquadah and it was a set up. They sold us out to Ba'al and his goons ambushed us."

"I _hate_ that guy." Jack snarled.

"None of the rest of us are fans either. Anyway, you got shot in the head and nearly died. There was swelling on your brain and they kept you in an induced coma for about a month. Sam felt responsible for what happened, guilty even though she couldn't have known we'd been betrayed, and she's been beating herself up since."

"So she's been taking care of me out of guilt and pity." Jack said looking down at his hands in defeat.

"I don't think that's the case."

"Why not? She's dating some turd in a punch bowl because I rejected her for reasons I don't even remember and she's screwing up her relationship with the same guy because I'm pathetic and she feels guilty."

Daniel started to say something, stopped, started to say something else, then frowned. "Jack. I think you two need to talk."

Jack gave him a hard look.

"Look, Jack, this is none of my business but it's pretty obvious you still have feelings for her. Does the reason you told yourself why it wouldn't work really matter in the long run?" Daniel smiled a bit. "I don't think she's that into this guy Jack, but you probably need to prove to her that you aren't going to change your mind on her again."

Jack looked up at the ceiling. "I'm probably going to screw this up again." He admitted.

"Well, it's you, so probably. But Jack?"

"Yah?"

"I kind of like you this way. You're a lot easier to talk to when you aren't trying to disguise your feelings with jokes and acting moody."

Jack gave Daniel the side eye. "Don't get used to it."

"Oh trust me, I won't." Daniel replied with a chuckle.


	12. The Long and Winding Road

"Teal'c says you made it through last night without any nightmares."

"Well, let's hope it's a twofer." Jack said with a grin as he hopped into the passenger side of his truck. He blew on his hands then rubbed them together in the cold Colorado air.

She smiled at him the way he'd remembered her smiling only for him and his heart did a practiced summersault in his chest. Oh yah. He had it really bad still.

"What?" she asked him, her cheeks bright from the cold and, he suspected, a blush. Jack had been staring at her with, he admitted, an adoring smile.

"Nothing. I like your hat." He said with a grin.

"Ah, thanks." She said confused and got buckled in. It was just an average tuque in light blue.

Jack smirked to himself. He'd realized something after his talk with Daniel. He didn't really need to do anything to win Sam back. He still had to figure out what idiot thing he'd said or done to push her away as it was clear that Daniel didn't know, but once he remembered that part he'd know he could tell her he was an absolute idiot. He was fairly certain he could tell her that anyway but this was a special case.

The cop had been back in town and Sam hadn't been too happy to hang out with him if Jack's observation skills were accurate. She'd frowned every time he'd texted her while they were working in her lab the last two days. Unable to sign off on paperwork legally until he was cleared medically, he'd been watching one of her programs search for power fluctuations on the Gate. It took him a couple days because it was so minute but he'd not only found it, he'd found the pattern too and sat back grinning while she wrote code to patch over the problem. Right up until the cop's text had come through and she went from happy and relaxed to mildly annoyed.

* * *

When they turned out of the base parking, he glanced at her. "You sure you're ok spending the weekend at my place instead of with your guy?" He asked her solicitously.

She gave him a side-eye. "Honestly? I think I need a break from him."

"Oh." Was all he said.

"That's all you have to say about it – 'Oh'?"

"If you want me to say it again Carter, you can do better."

"Thank you."

Jack smirked.

"I mean, I don't know why my brother thought this guy would be a good fit. I don't like any of the things he likes. He's charming for a while but the longer I date him the more clingy he is which would be fine if I enjoyed his company more but sir, frankly, he's kind of annoying. He puts banana peppers on his garbage can pizza." She huffed.

"Does not like banana peppers. Noted." Jack said, with a snort.

"It's all you can taste after that. Even if you pick them off" She huffed and her eyes crinkled when she saw his amused smile. On a roll now and encouraged to have someone to listen to her list of flaws she saw in Pete, Sam kept going. "He thinks the only good use for alcohol is getting drunk. He doesn't care what it tastes like. I have a whole bottle of Bombay Sapphire he told me tastes like turpentine. He drinks that vile sugar water like it's going out of style." She huffed. And then her face turned thunderous.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Carter. Spill it."

"I caught him spitting out my soufflé and throwing it away." Sam glowered. "Then he went and ate fast food burgers."

Jack winced. Nope, I pretty much just need to not be this guy. "Carter, there's nothing wrong with your cooking. You just have more sophisticated taste than he does."

"Which would be fine if he even tried a little to learn to enjoy new things, but instead he expects me to eat and drink garbage he likes even though it's nothing but junk. I've met little kids with more taste."

"So I spoiled you with opera and French wine, huh?"

"Oh, I don't dare tell him _that_ part because he hates literally everything about you at this point."

Jack smiled smugly. "You look fantastic in a cocktail dress Carter."

"Well, Pete is never going to find that out because he doesn't like ballroom dancing or five star restaurants or theater."

"I'm sorry Sam." He sighed.

"You are?"

Jack put his gloved hand on hers. "Sam, all I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."

She glanced at him then looked back to the snowy road. "Jack, you were what made me happy."

Jack had a flash of something pass through his mind. "Sam…"

"Jack?"

"Prometheus."

"What about it sir?"

"What really happened? And stop calling me sir."

"Sorry. Um, the aliens took everyone but me off the ship. I had a concussion that made me hallucinate a few people."

"Was I one of them?"

Sam blushed but didn't answer.

"I was, wasn't I?" He told her.

"Jack, I hallucinated a few people."

"But I'm the only one whose relationship with you changed after." He said with a firm nod.

"You remembered."

"More a hunch really. I remembered you being late and being worried sick about what had happened to you."

She parked his truck in his driveway and shut off the engine but didn't grab the door handle. "Jack…" She said looking down at her lap.

Jack's hand came up and he gently turned her face towards his. "Sam, talk to me." He said, his voice soft, his eyes warm.

"You told me that the problem was me complicating things, that possibly I was just clinging to my feelings for you because you being my CO kept me from having to worry about dealing with any normal relationship problems - like not liking the same movies or wanting just mushrooms on pizza or- "

Jack had leaned forward and claimed her cold lips in a slow kiss that made her eyes flutter closed. He kept it light though for now even though he wanted nothing more than to pull her into a deep searing kiss that made her utterly forget anyone but him.

When he moved away a little she looked at him apprehensively. "Did something happen after you got back? Something between us?" he asked her.

"You, ah, you corrected me when I called you Jack when I woke up in the infirmary." She told him blushing in humiliation.

"Carter." He said stroking his gloved thumb over her cheek. "We were at work."

"Well I know, but…"

Jack's eyelids lowered, he very badly wanted to kiss away the hurt he'd caused her. It had been days before she got out of the infirmary after that. At some point she must have misunderstood him putting her off that was wait for later when we have privacy, not I'm done here. "Carter, we were at work."

She looked into his eyes and understanding suddenly dawned in her eyes. "You didn't…"

"Nope." He told her with a lopsided smile.

"But… oh my god…"

"Hey, hey relax, it's all right." He pulled her into his arms. "Sam, it's all right. Come on, it's cold out. Let's go inside."

Sam nodded against his shoulder and pulled away to open the driver's side door.

Jack followed her to the door and for the first time in months, felt like everything might eventually be ok.


	13. An Old Fashioned Love Song

Once inside Jack turned on the coffeepot he'd set up earlier but after a moment's thought opened the cabinet above the coffee maker and pulled down the kettle and a box of tea. Sam walked into the kitchen while he was filling the kettle. She looked at the box of tea, then up at him.

Sam had a sudden realization that it wasn't just that Jack was a sure bet, it's how she knew he was a sure bet. It was chocolates in her snack drawer and him keeping her favorite tea and sodas at his house. It was him casually giving her a bottle of nice wine to thank her for her hard work on a project and comforting her with her favorite musical when her heart hurt even when it was for what she'd done to him. Pete said he loved her and gave zero craps about her taste in, well, anything. Cared about nothing she cared about. Called her a pet name he knew she didn't particularly like even after she'd made it clear she'd prefer something less sexist. Jack, on the other hand, had never once said he loved her in so many words yet she knew for certain that no one had ever loved her more deeply. She looked into his eyes in realization. "Jack." She said softly as he fingers twisted together.

"My Samantha." He said, finishing the answer to her first question when he'd woken up and drew her in slowly. "You're my Samantha." His eyes were warm with love and she swayed towards him.

Her hand crept up to his cheek "I'm so sorry Jack."

"I told you not to dwell Sam." He told her softly before claiming her lips. "My Sam." He said softly against her lips before deepening the kiss and neither of them could speak. He held her gently at her waist but his fingers slid around her neck and into her hair with his other hand as he claimed her mouth, plundered it but she was hardly passively going along for the ride. Her hand fisted on his shirt as her other hand drew his hips closer to her own, needing to feel the hard length of his body against her own. He growled and pulled her against him and kissed her senseless until they both needed air.

The kettle whistled and Jack nudged it off the burner and turned off the range before pulling her in for another searing kiss. Sam's cell phone rang in her purse on the floor. They broke off the kiss and both looked at the purse.

"It's probably Pete." She said in annoyance.

"It could be George." He said.

"George?"

"Our boss? Bald, kind of short."

Sam grinned ear to ear. "You remembered General Hammond!"

"Well of course I remember General Hammond. He's our _Boss, _Sam," he said grinning. "Check your phone." He told her pointedly.

Sam gave him a guilty look and dug around for her cell until she pulled it out but it had stopped ringing. She held it up to him with a snarky expression.

"Who was it?"

"My ah… soon to be ex-boyfriend?"

"Cool?"

Sam chuckled. "Mark is going to be a little annoyed."

"Don't care." He told her as he drew her into his arms for another kiss.

* * *

Half an hour later they were cuddled on the couch together, each of them with a mug. "All right, so how much do you remember?"

"Would you believe me if I told you nearly everything?" He asked her.

"Isn't that a little clichéd?"

"Wadaya mean?"

"I kiss you and you get your memory back like some kind of Disney princess"

Jack snorted. "If it wouldn't count as a huge problem with the regs, I'd take you to bed and make love to you until you forget _your _name instead." He grinned at her shocked look and poked her nose with a finger.

Sam bit her lip and blushed until he gathered her up into a hug. "Jack." She said, breathless.

He shook his head though and put a finger on her mouth. "Ah." But he flashed a grin and gave her a quick kiss. He knew anyway. "I'm going to go call George."

"What? Why?"

"Well, for starters I want to picture his face." He told her grinning. "But aren't you tired of doing my job?"

"Er, well, yes but…"

"Sam?"

She looked down and away.

"Oh Sam." He breathed softly with understanding. "I can't lie to George about getting my memories back." He nuzzled her hair. "How I feel won't change Sam, no matter how long it takes."

"Jack, part of what pulled us apart was the waiting." She said looking at him sadly.

"Will it now?"

"I, Jack, I honestly don't know."

"I'll wait anyway Sam."

"What?"

"I said I'll wait anyway. Even if you date other people or get married or whatever."

"Jack… you can't do that to yourself." She told him putting her hands on his arm.

"I was already doing it to myself. This time though you know exactly what I'm doing." He gave her a smoldering look. "You know, just in case."

"You were?"

"Well, didn't you notice I stopped flirting with green alien chicks a while ago?"

She chuckled softly. "Go call General Hammond."

"Yes Ma'am" He said giving her a swift kiss then jumping up to go call their boss.


	14. Photograph

"All of it son?"

"Nearly enough sir. There might be a couple things I'm missing but it's probably minor things like Ba'al's birthday or the president's shoe size."

George chuckled. "I'm glad to hear it. Colonel Carter was starting to get concerned."

"She was, huh?"

"Try not to let it go to your head Jack." George told him.

"She's been doing great running the base all this time. She's got a knack for administration."

"I got that impression as well. Don't worry Jack. I'm fast tracking her as much as I can on my end. She might need to move to head of R&D over at 51 though for a while."

"Why is that sir?"

"Well, if you want her to make full bird before she hits forty Jack, she's going to have to head up some divisions."

"Huh. That would take her out of my chain of command, wouldn't it?" He said, thoughtfully.

"Something I need to know son?" George asked him wondering if he'd have to pay out on a bet he'd made with Walter a while back.

"Oh nothing yet, it's just something to consider." Jack told him cryptically.

"Keep me in the loop Jack."

"Sure. I'll let Walter know when you owe him a Benjamin too sir." Jack said grinning.

George chuckled. "Sam was right. You only play dumb. But, I already knew that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about sir." His tone was falsely injured but he grinned after he said it.

"So the boyfriend is on the curb, huh?"

"That should be the scuttlebutt some time this week in case you have anything riding on it. Sir."

"I will keep that in mind son. I'll expect your reports by the end of the week."

"How do you know I've already been working on them sir?"

"Because you willingly write me novels Jack." George told him chuckling. "I suggest you send Colonel Carter home tonight all things considered. It's much harder to be tempted when your temptation is half a town away."

"Message received sir." Jack wondered exactly what square George had put his money on here. Something told him it was the honorable route. He probably wasn't wrong.

* * *

Sam had made a date with Pete because she knew what needed to be done which only made it worse when he showed up with flowers for her and a happy smile.

"Hey babe. I take it your boss is feeling better finally." He told her as he leaned in to kiss her.

Sam turned her head just slightly so he only caught the corner of her mouth. "He's doing much better, yes." She doubted he honestly cared beyond was he tying up her time still or not.

"Gotta admit babe, I was kind of surprised that you called me first for a change." He said grinning triumphantly.

"Well, I needed to talk to you Pete." She told him, stomping down her nerves, knowing he'd be leaving unhappy from the table. "How have you been?" She knew he'd wax poetic about himself much like Daniel could about ancient societies or rocks and let his description of his last couple weeks flow in one ear and out the other.

"So anyway, I've been thinking Sam."

"Have you?" She asked surprised and slightly happy, perhaps he could see they weren't a good fit after all.

"Sam, you know I really care about you right?"

"Well, of course Pete, I care about you too." She said, thankful that he felt he should let her down easy. This way he'd feel like it was his own idea.

Pete grabbed her hand and held it looking nervously in her eyes. "Sam, I, ah, Sam, will you marry me?"

"Er… what?" Sam stared at him in shock.

"I think the problems we're having as a couple are because I haven't really committed to you."

"Pete… I... I don't know what to say."

"Say yes. Please Sam. I love you." He said and squeezed her hand but she pulled it away.

"Pete, I, I came here to talk to you about taking a break."

"But that's all the more reason to get engaged, so I know it's just a break."

Sam looked at him mystified. A challenge she never backed down from, but she was out of her element here. "Pete, look, I'm… flattered, but I don't think you understand. I don't want a temporary break."

"What are you saying Sam?"

"Pete, you're very sweet and you'll make a wonderful husband." He grinned broadly "For someone else."

Pete's face fell. "It's your boss, isn't it Sam? You can't be a good little workaholic if you have someone at home. I knew he hated me from the start." He said bitterly.

Sam shook her head. "No Pete, That's not the reason."

"Then what is it Sam? I've been patient through all this and done everything I can to show you how much I love you." He pleaded, nearly whined.

Sam sighed. And wasn't that exactly why right there. She wanted to ask him what her favorite color was, what she liked on her pizza, who her favorite classic movie actor was or even modern actor but she knew he knew none of those things even though she could easily tell him all his and his favorite actress too. It was Pamela Anderson. Shouldn't someone who professed to love you pay attention to those things and at least be willing to tolerate them from time to time? "Pete, I care about you. I do. But I need more than just 'care about you' to marry you. That's a huge commitment I don't take lightly."

"Sam." He said, his tone pleading.

"I'm sorry Pete. I wanted to tell you in person because I respect you but this just isn't working out. I'll pack up any of your stuff at my house. You can come by and get it when you have time. If I'm not home call the base and an SF will let you in to get it. I'd um, I'd like my key back Pete."

"But, Sam…"

"I'm sorry Pete." She shook her head and held out her hand.

Pete looked at her mystified but pulled out his key ring and slid her key off his collection. "I don't understand Sam. I thought we were happy."

"I'm sure you were Pete, but I haven't been for a while and it's time I was honest with you about it." She picked up her purse and slid on her coat. "I hope you find someone you have more in common with Pete. You're a nice guy and deserve to be happy."

Pete watched her go. The waiter came up and looked at where she'd been sitting then at Pete and gave him the pitying look. "You, ah, won't be needing that special desert now sir?"

Pete looked up at the guy. "Apparently not." He snarled.


	15. In My Life

"Welcome back SG-1." Jack said from the control room.

Sam looked up at him and deliberately saluted knowing it would fling mud all over the disembarkation room when she did so. She grinned. "Happy to be back sir!" As she and the rest of her team were covered in mud, he could guess why.

"Briefing at eleven hundred SG-1. Walter, call the clean up crew. Colonel Carter apparently opted for exotic beauty treatments this trip." He said with a chuckle.

"Yes sir." Walter told him with an understanding grin. He'd made out like a bandit on the betting squares when it got around Sam had dumped the cop because an old friend had given him a hot tip about a week before it happened.

* * *

"Is that everything guys?"

"Yah, that about covers it Jack." Daniel told him.

"All right then, you guys are free to go. Carter, I have some paperwork I need to go over in my office before you head back to your lab." He said absently.

"Yes sir." She said dutifully. Daniel gave her a questioning look and she shrugged her shoulders.

Daniel and Teal'c trooped out and Sam followed Jack to his office and closed the door out of habit.

Jack was very tempted to press her against the closed door and kiss her senseless but there were cameras even in his office after all. "I really do have some paperwork for you Sam."

"Oh?"

"This, ah, might require some time to think first before you decide but I got another request from Groom Lake. Hugh really wants you Sam."

"But sir, I have responsibilities here."

"You do. But you also have the opportunity to be full bird before forty if you take the position. I want you to seriously consider this opportunity Carter. It would probably be for about a year, possibly two. It's a career advancing position."

She looked at him thoughtfully and he waited for her to realize what he wasn't saying. He knew she would.

"Sir."

"Carter."

"Taking this position would change my COC."

"Yes it would Carter."

Sam grinned at him. "Are you, um, asking me what I think you're asking me sir?"

"What do you think Carter?" His eyes twinkled.

Her grin widened. "I think my answer is yes."

"I'll let Bricksdale know." He said grinning.

Sam blushed. "Was there anything else sir?"

"Yes Carter. To celebrate why don't you tell Danny and T to drop by my place tonight. We'll order take out." Jack's expression was becoming decidedly smug.

"So can I see this paperwork sir?"

"I'll hand it over at the house tonight, just to give you time to be certain this is what you really want to do."

"Sir, I've never been more certain of anything in my entre life."

"I'll see you guys tonight then."

"Yes sir." She said and left his office to go find her teammates.

Jack sat down in his chair and picked up the phone. "Sir? Yah, she did. Thank you sir. I absolutely will."

Jack hung up and grinned ear to ear. He had a party to plan.


End file.
